Self-love has become a popular buzz word recently in society and across social media, but it is actually a potent form of spiritual work and transformation. Some would argue that all healing must start with self-love practices. This is the root, the core of where all issues, problems and ill-health arise.
It is vital that we are able to fully express love for ourselves before we can give that love out into the world, before we can attract that same love back to us from others and before we can really live our best lives and fulfil the dreams we have.
You don’t have anything to give that you don’t have yourself. So you must fill yourself up first with love in order to give that out. It’s miraculous what you can give to others when you have self-love.
However, I can sense you reading this and thinking ‘if only it were that easy’ or ‘I don’t even know where to begin’. You are not alone. Many of us, especially women, find it easier to show affection, nurture and love towards others but not ourselves. Years and years of societal conditioning, placing women in roles, the media portraying what women should look and behave like as well as historically being seen as second to men. I am not being negative or derogatory to men – no-one is to blame here. But it is useful for you to know that many of us will struggle to get our heads around the concept of self love due to long-standing, engrained beliefs that are not serving us.
‘Self-love is a potent form of spiritual work and transformation‘
Introducing Self-Love into Your Life
This is a journey that once you embark on, you will begin to see improvements in all aspects of your life. From relationships to finances, work in the world and health etc.
This all starts with YOU. Sowing seeds of love and compassion in your heart about who you are right now. No matter all your mistakes, regrets, wrong turns. Start appreciating how far you have come, start championing yourself and noting the smallest things you are doing.
Self-Love Practices to Introduce
These self-love practices below require regular repetition. That’s how you embody and programme a self-love rich life into your mind and energy. Do them fully and whole-heartedly. I have learnt that for these practices to work, we have to set the intention that they will, we have to put 100% into them.
1. Silence the Inner Critic
Many of us are not aware of the negative words and thoughts we have about ourselves, because they run on an automatic loop and we have been doing it for so many years it has become who we are.
Spend some time noticing the things you say to yourself. If you find yourself being self-critical, saying cross or harsh words, put yourself in the perspective of God/Source energy. What would God/Source energy say to you? What words would God/Source energy use?
Challenge what you are saying – if you are saying “you’re so bad at that” try re-wording to say “I am working towards becoming better”.
This practice takes a lot of focus, as it’s easy to slip back into our automatic thoughts.
2. Let Go of Shame
We all carry shame. Women especially, as this has been handed down for centuries when patriarchy tried to destroy matriarchy. It is in our energetic lineage. But now the Divine Feminine is rising and we are being asked to let go of shame.
A releasing ceremony is good for this. Write down anything that comes to your mind that you feel shame about. Burn it under a full moon. Use the heightened lunar energy to amplify your intention to release shame from your body, your mind, your energy. Forgive anything that you feel shame about.
If you make mistakes, so what? You’re human! If you do things you’re not proud of…well then forgive yourself and start afresh tomorrow. If you get things wrong…who gives a fuck?! Don’t let it consume you in shame – let go of it. Let.It.Go.
3. Write a love letter of support to yourself
Dear xx, I release all shame I have held about you. I commit to supporting you to grow into your light, to become the person who lives their best life.
Writing down how you will support yourself is very empowering. People are so much more likely to follow through with their desires and intentions when they write them down and can see them in black ands white. I have given you an example above on how you can begin to draft a love letter to yourself and I suggest you create your own, using words that feel good for you and statements you can commit to.
You can make a ceremony of it – light a candle, meditate for a little while and call in your angels and guides to help you create your love letter. Keep it somewhere you can see it and it will anchor as a reminder for you when you find yourself acting in ways that are not loving.
4. Acknowledge your Inner Child
If you feel vulnerable, unsafe or not enough, you may need to work with your inner child. You are being called to address the little girl inside of you and give her the attention she needs. The inner child is a part of us, a part of our energy that lives within us and that we carry around (remember we are energetic beings at our core).
When we are playful, fun, cheeky, care-free, joyful – that is the energy of our inner child. However, it’s also the part of us that feels unloved, fragile and needy. Almost all of us will have had an event/s from our childhood that we experienced as painful. It could be something very small or very big, the event doesn’t truly matter as much as how it made you feel at the time. This will be an event where you didn’t feel seen or heard, you didn’t have a voice or didn’t feel unconditional love. It is a childhood wounding that didn’t heal or resolve itself, because as children our brains are not developed enough to mentally process painful events, we can only feel them. So the emotional energy stays stuck within us.
So although we later grow up to become an adult, we are often running around with our wounded inner child calling the shots, making us feel small and helpless. Preventing us moving forward and having the confidence to achieve our dreams. This wound can take over our adult life. We fear situations, we self-sabotage, we get caught up in co-dependent behaviours, we play small, we avoid our dreams, we don’t voice our truth. We are disempowered adults. Because the little girl in us is running the show in many situations.
Healing the inner child is deep, magical and transformative self-love work. It is absolutely, undoubtedly one of the greatest healing experiences I have gone through on my spiritual path. I would highly recommend working with a coach to support you, especially if you have trauma from childhood. For me, it was essential not to re-traumatise myself. Katie Phillips from The School of Self-Love is a master coach at this and deeply changed my outlook on life once I connected with Little Jody and gave her a voice. It is one of the ultimate self-love practices.
5. Connect to your Feminine Energy
Within us we carry both masculine and feminine energies. All of life does, it is the nature of the Universe – Yin and Yang. When both energies are in balance, we feel whole. Masculine energy is about achieving, doing, thinking, striving and pushing. Feminine energy is about being, surrender, feeling, flow, sensuality and creativity. Both are vital to our success and enjoyment in life, however we live in a patriarchal society that values the masculine more.
As women, we can lose touch with our beautiful and powerful feminine energy that gives us vitality and vibrancy. The creative energy of the womb, the feminine as being the giver of life, has been forgotten. Women are constantly juggling – children, career, home, community and so much more, that we call on our masculine energy to push through and accomplish all of these responsibilities. Which brings us out of balance, leaves us exhausted.
If we can learn to activate and honour our feminine energy, this is one of the greatest self-love practices we can give ourselves. We will start to feel more alive and energetic and care-free. We may even get more done and achieved, as we are drawing on our inner creative power to attract things to us, rather than outwardly ‘doing’.
Ways to embrace your feminine
- Start honouring your needs. Look at what you can take off your to-do list or get help with. What can you outsource?
- Honour your body. What does it need? To slow down? More sleep? Some exercise? Healthy foods? Listen to what your body is asking for and trust it
- Think about what you wear. Does it help you feel feminine? Often flowy clothes, dresses, earrings and jewellery can make us feel more feminine inside and so we can then get in touch with this juicy and sensual side of us. When we feel good, we create and attract good things.
- Movement helps you be in your body, which is where we feel the feminine. Masculine energy is in our head, feminine in our heart, womb and body. Try moving in a way that feels good to you – dance, yoga, walking…be curious and explorative.
- Give yourself the gift of self-nurture time each day. You could use this time for journaling, meditating, cooking something yummy and nutritious, having a salt bath…these are just a few ideas but the important thing is to set aside time each day, even if its 10 minutes, just for you.
Making time for self-nourishment
I hope you enjoyed learning about these wonderful self-love practices, please share in the comments any practices of your own, I love to hear from you!